Torn

[Claire]

Story Title: Torn

Story description: Drama

Type of story: Long fic

Main Characters: Kirsty and Kane

BTTB rating: G

does story include spoilers: No

Is story being proof read:

Any warnings:

Summary: Kane returns to the Bay after 15 years.

Have decided to post this on here as well as at K&K... things seem to be dying on the KK-fic front over there... it's a challenge response to a challenge set by Laura (ButterflyShadow) over on K&K.

Summary : Kane returns ten years after he dumped Kirsty from his car. She's married to someone else. Angst ensues.

Re-reading this for the first time in a while, Kane sounds a tad stalker-esque at first...

Reviews are always well-received!

1.

He pressed his head to the cold metal railing, observing her carefully as she stood, deep in conversation with another woman in the middle of the playground, clutching her coat to her to block out the gentle breeze.

The shrill bell momentarily interrupted the chatter of parents, and stimulated a flood of children rushing out of doors, stumbling across the tarmac in search of parents, smiles fixated on their faces. It wasn’t the first time that he had wished to be there waiting, waiting for someone to rush up to him, to swing his child up in his arms and ask how the day had been.

He had almost sunk completely into his own thoughts as he noticed a young boy rushing up to Kirsty and throwing his arms around her legs. Seconds later, a girl, who he imagined to be slightly older, joined them.

As the pair began to talk between themselves, Kirsty returned to the conversation with her friend, her face showing all the obvious signs of being blissfully content. It sent mixed feeling through his mind as he wished he could be the one bringing that happiness to her life, but knowing that he had surrendered that chance many years ago.

It wasn’t long before the kids got fed up of standing around, tugging at Kirsty’s hands, an obvious hint that they wanted to get going, and he couldn’t suppress his smile as Kirsty allowed herself to get dragged away by the two figures half her size, bidding a short and rushed farewell to her friend as she went, being pulled along by the sea of people now making for the gates.

He didn’t think about possible consequences as he began to slowly follow them as they left the school grounds. He simply refused to let her out of his sight as he sauntered a distance behind them on the five minute walk back to their house.

As they headed up the driveway to their front door, he turned, edging into the hedge of the nearest house, unwilling to be seen. A couple of minutes later, he decided it safe to continue, looking over the house as he got closer.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t been there before because he had. He had lost count of the number of times he had driven up to the house, in a car that looked run down and desperately out of place in comparison to all of the other vehicles around, and had simply stared at the front door, unable to bring himself to pay her a visit. But he wasn’t ready to face her yet, as something told him that she wouldn’t be quite as happy to see him, and the last thing he wanted was to tear her world apart again.

He wouldn’t have called the area posh by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a world away from what he had lived in as a child, and a few steps up from life at the caravan park. One thing he was glad of was that she had found herself a life, and no doubt a partner, who was able to provide her with the sort of life that she deserved. The life that he realised that he would never be able to give her himself, and it was for that reason alone that he had decided to give up on the love that they had shared all those years ago, and return her to where she belonged.

“Can I help you?”

He turned to find a suited gentleman looking him up and down, no doubt wondering what a man like him was doing loitering around in such a respectable neighbourhood.

“Nah, everything’s fine thanks”

The man took a moment before he left, and Kane decided to walk back the way he had come. Acting suspiciously wasn’t going to do him any favours.

***

It was only a five-minute drive back to his own flat from the school, a single bed roomed place resting directly above a low-key grocery store. His life hadn’t progressed much since he had left the Bay, and despite gaining his Coxswain’s certificate within a year and getting himself a more than adequate job on the coast for several years, he had given it all up for the dream of finding Kirsty again.

His return to the Bay had raised a few eyebrows, but he had found the same hostility as ever, and Flynn had refused point blank to pass on Kirsty’s new address. He had been forced to break into his place instead, for the sake of a quick glance through the address book, and hadn’t found it too difficult to locate whereabouts she had been living for the past eight years. He had found himself a flat nearby, and since then had contented himself by knowing that she was near him, even if she wasn’t close enough.

Waiting at the school had been an impulse move, a sudden longing having come over him whilst he was at work. It had been purely by coincidence that he had seen her dropping the children off at school one morning as he drove to the supermarket for his weekly shop, and it had been the first time that he realised she had children. Flynn had mentioned a husband, but never kids. Slowly he was piecing together bits of her life, building up what her life had been like in the years since he had thrown her out of the car, and it was clear to see that he had made the right choice.

[Claire]

Does Natalie Imbruglia make an appearance/sing the theme tune?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Um... yes?

Ryan, that's the second time I've known you to make a comment about a Kane/Kirsty fic (I remember you writing one about Wanda's fic once). I'm beginning to suspect you're a secret Kane/Kirsty fan...

Oh, totally... something made him enter the thread and he *must* have read at least some of it before he made the effort to post a response. Unless we were to accuse him of making random comments in random threads, which I trust he wouldn't dream of

Thanks for the reviews, guys... they always mean heaps! Particularly Ryan... I'm honoured that you've chosen to take an interest...

Next chapter...

***

2.

It was eyes meeting over the shop floor or more accurately his eyes locking onto her, and him bolting away before she got a chance to return the gaze. The longer he stayed round there, the more he seemed to bump into her. So much that to him it resembled fate, just like fate had brought them together after the boat accident. Of all the people to be washed up in the bush with it had been her, his soul mate, the only person in his life that he had ever really felt a connection with, the only person to understand him like no one else ever could. He sidled towards the doors of the supermarket, succeeding in confusing even himself. The one person who he wanted to see, the one person who he wanted to talk to and he was running away. He guessed it was just nerves after all, it had been ten years and he didn’t have a clue what to say to her even if they did meet. They had only seen one another for a matter of months, and he knew that his imagination had made it seem like longer, and his daydreams had built it into something more incredible than it actually sounded on paper. He was almost out of the shop when he clocked onto the look he had been receiving from the security guard, realising that he hadn’t yet passed through the checkout.

The wait in the queue was probably the longest in his life, his eyes darting around the shop, his mind telling him not to be so stupid “who was to say that she’d even recognise him after ten years?”

“Sir?”

He looked dumbly across at the shop assistant.

“That’s twenty eight dollars thirty.”

“Yeah.”

He hastily handed over the cash, shovelling his shopping into a couple of carriers as the lady counted out his change. It was only then that he had that sensation of being watched. He couldn’t understand why he hadn’t spotted her sooner as she was only a few checkouts along, her jaw having almost hit the ground. He couldn’t even work out whether her reaction was one of surprise or shock at seeing him again. Well, at least it answered the question as to whether she would recognise him. The only thing he could thing to do was turn his ‘rabbit-caught-in-headlights’ look into a notably awkward smile. For all she knew, it was a total coincidence that he happened to live nearby. She needn’t know that he’d tracked her down, and had been trying his damndest to spy on her life ever since.

Clutching hold of his bags, he made once more for the doors, not getting far out of the shop as he heard footsteps behind him, trying in vain to work out what he could say to her, feeling the all to familiar nerves come rushing back. He couldn’t believe he was acting the same way as he had been when they had first started dating when she had become the closest person in the world to him.

“Kane.”

He couldn’t ignore her now, not even if he wanted to. Pausing, he dared himself to look round, his breath momentarily catching in his throat.

“Hey Kirst.”

He wasn’t sure how his greeting would sound to her, but he found himself acting like the meeting was nothing out of the blue.

“Kane what are you doing here?”

He still couldn’t tell exactly what she was thinking, her face registering a permanently stunned expression.

“Just shopping.”

He knew it was a dumb answer, but it was enough to raise a small but awkward smile between them, a smile that broke the ice, at least from his point of view. She looked like she had seen a ghost. In many ways she had? he was one piece of her past that she had honestly believed she would never see again in her life, and as long as it had taken to accept it she had been forced to get over it

“It’s good to see you again.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but found herself choosing not to reply. To say the same thing back could only serve to give him the wrong impression.

“Yeah.”

He hadn’t exactly been hoping for such an unsure answer.

She bit her lip, recalling the last time she had seen him, the humiliating pain as they had run away together to start a new life, only to have him throw it back in her face a week later. More importantly, the many things that she wished that she had said to him all that time ago. It had taken months for her to get over that pain, and to face up to the fact that she’d never get the chance to say all that she wanted to. And now she had the chance she found herself hesitating, forcing herself not to dredge up the past. She wanted to get away from him needed to get away from him

“Look, I haven’t got time to.”

“Just five minutes, give us some time to catch up.”

He couldn’t believe he found himself begging for her time, but he honestly believed that if she gave him time to pour his heart out then everything would be fine in the end. Maybe he’d be able to settle for just her friendship? At least it would be something. He could see her as often as he wanted, and at the very least it would quell that yearning for her that had been inside him for so long.

“No... um Sean’s waiting in the car.”

“Your husband?”

“How did you know I was?”

She didn’t even have a chance to complete the question as he cut in with his excuse, telling himself that he’s have to be more careful with what he knew in the future things were so tense between them that he knew she wouldn’t find it funny that he had purposely tracked her down.

“The rings.”

Kirsty glanced down at her hand, and he couldn’t fail to notice the slight smile that came across her face. Was he such a bad person for wishing that she would be trapped in a loveless marriage, so he could drop in and save her?

“I’d introduce you but it might be a bit awkward.”

In reality, she wouldn’t dare introduce them she knew Sean would be fine with it, and she doubted Kane would get out of line, but it was herself she was worried about. She knew all too well that she’d drive herself mad by subconsciously recording comparisons between them, the two most meaningful relationships of her life, the only two men that she’d ever really loved. Seemingly on cue, her husband’s voice cut through the crowds.

“Wondered where you’d got to.”

[Claire]

Thanks! Am aiming at an update a day... kick me if I falter

3.

Kane slumped down into the driver’s seat, his head flopping forward to rest on the steering wheel. The pleasantries exchanged between he and Sean had been amicable enough, but it was the way Kirsty had been so off-hand and genuine about introducing him as an ‘old friend’ that had cut into him deeper than she realised. The meeting hadn’t lasted long as Sean had had to rush off to some business meeting or other, and she had to pick the kids up. It seemed they were going back to the Bay for the weekend, one of their regular trips to visit her family, and it was hectic trying to get two kids organised. That was the sort of life he longed for, not a life where the only things he did outside work were eat and sleep. And he could have had it all if he had just stuck it out all those years ago. He closed his eyes, wondering how he had managed to get himself into that mess in the first place.

He finally lifted his head up to find the flash car still sitting in the parking space opposite, Sean looking under the bonnet scratching his head, and Kirsty stood next to him, shouting into her mobile. His first inclination was to drive away, but a car had just backed into the space behind him and there was no way he could drive past them without them seeing him. He opened his door, stepping out into the car park.

“Need a hand?”

***

Kane loosened the tie, pulling it over his head and allowing it to drop to the floor, flopping back onto the bed with a sigh. He still couldn’t quite recall how it had happened. One minute he’d had his head beneath a car bonnet, marvelling at the similarities between that and the engines of some of the boats he had worked on, and the next he was agonising over what to wear for dinner with Kirsty and her husband. Truth was, he couldn’t think of an excuse on the spot that would have enabled him to get out of it. It wasn’t like he did much outside work, and he got the feeling that trying to convince Sean he was washing his hair wouldn’t be entirely successful. Kirsty had looked mortified when he had finally nodded his head and grunted in agreement to Sean’s offer, but how was Sean meant to know what they had once had? As far as he was concerned, Kane was just an old friend of his wife’s who had given them a hand with a car that was playing up.

He fumbled for his wallet, pulling out the worn photo of he and Kirsty, taken all those years ago. It was looking worse for wear now, being the only reminder he had had of her.

“Why do things always have to be so complicated?”

He scowled at himself as he realised he had been speaking out loud and placed the photo on the bedside table, returning his attention to the task in hand. He supposed that smart would be the best bet, so as not to show himself up, but he didn't exactly have a large selection of smart shirts. It didn’t help that his attention kept returning to the nervousness he felt at spending an entire dinner without being able to speak openly to her, and that his stomach kept turning somersaults. It was like it had been in the early days of their relationship, he desperate to keep her happy and terrified that he was going to blow things, unable to comprehend why she would look twice at him. He took a couple of deep breaths, considering the worst that could possibly happen that evening. Kirsty had already married someone else he had already lost her, so he had everything to gain on that front. Maybe friendship wouldn't be so bad after all and if more was to happen then he wasn't going to object. He frowned at himself, knowing that if it were someone else contemplating an affair he'd be busy disapproving.

***

He brushed back his hair, checking his reflection in the glass of the door before ringing the bell.

“Didn't we say seven o'clock?”

“Sorry guess I lost track of time”

“No problem, we're running a bit behind as it is. Did you have a bit of trouble finding us?”

“Something like that, yeah”

In reality he had spent a good fifteen minutes sat outside in his car, wondering if he should quit before he got hurt. It would be so easy to up sticks and get away again, but he knew that doing that for a second time had the ability to do more harm than good.

“Never mind, it's good to see you again”

Sean held the door open as he entered, wiping his feet briefly on the mat by the door.

“Hmm and you?”

Kane forced a smile in return, his eyes darting around the hallway, the well decorated family home. What was he getting himself in to?

“Can I get you a drink? Kirst’s just getting the kids to bed”

“Yeah... cheers”

Sean showed him into the lounge before going to the kitchen, giving him a bit of time to adjust to his new surroundings. The pictures on the mantelpiece were the items that first sprung to his attention, on display for all visitors to admire.

She watched him through the crack in the door as he scanned her wedding pictures, one by one. They hadn't been able to choose which picture to have up, so they had opted to squeeze as many onto the mantelpiece as possible. Photos of she and her family, and he and his, of both of them dressed up in traditional wedding dress, arms wrapped around one another. The happiest day of her life so far, at least.

[Claire]

All chaps are written... 22 in total, so updates should be no problem!

Thanks, as always, for the support!

4.

She had only just decided not to set foot in the room before Sean got there, determined not to allow herself to be left alone with him, before he turned and caught her eyes through the crack in the door.

“Kirst”

She entered the room swiftly, closing the door softly behind her

“You look great”

He smiled, his eyes taking in her every feature. She hadn't changed much in ten years, except to become more mature. More beautiful.

“Kane, why are you here?”

“I was invited”

She couldn’t even bring herself to smile, her anxiousness winning over.

“This, this isn’t going to work, you’ve got to go, you've got to think of an excuse anything”

“Kirst, I just want to talk to you”

“It’s too late Kane”

“I just I just want to be a part of your life”

If she would just hear him out he was sure that things would be different.

“Don’t you get it! You left me Kane you threw me out of your car, you broke my heart, and you left me alone to deal with my family do you know how humiliating it was? I gave up everything for you and you just threw it back at me? And now, ten years later you expect me to just take you back into my life!”

“But the letter”

“Damn the letter, Kane? I didn’t want a letter”

She turned quickly away from the door as it opened, hoping Sean wouldn’t notice that her eyes had glazed over.

“Kirst, did you want some of that wine we opened yesterday”

He placed her and Kane’s drink on the coffee table as he glanced up at Kirsty.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it”

She made a move towards the door, eager to get out

“It’s no problem - have a sit down. I bet you two have a lot to catch up on.”

Kirsty had tried to keep the story as true to what had actually happened as possible, from the happenings with Dani to the bond that they had built as a result of the shipwreck. The only thing she hadn’t brought into it was their romance, purposely describing it as a friendship. He left the room with a smile, and Kirsty waited until she heard the squeak of the floorboard outside the kitchen before turning back to Kane, lowering her voice to a hiss.

“It would be best if you just left now and never came back. I’ll explain everything to Sean, say you didn’t feel well or something”

Kane stared at her for a moment before shaking his head, knowing full well that he could promise nothing of the sort, even if it were for her own good this time.

“I’m sorry? I can’t do that.”

***

Kane sat back in his chair, lining his cutlery up on the empty plate. The dinner had gone surprisingly calmly, and despite he being determined to despise Sean, they had found themselves getting on surprisingly well.

“Dinner was great”

“Thanks I thought I ought to do the cooking. Didn’t think you should suffer Kirsty’s efforts”

“Hey!”

She leant over to slap his arm

“You said I was improving!”

He raised his arms in surrender

“Joke, Kirst”

Kane glanced uncomfortably around the dining room, the jealousy burning back up inside him. It was all he could do to stop himself from pulling them apart and telling Sean not to lay another finger on his girl.

“I’m actually really tired”

Kirsty faked a yawn in an attempt to bring the awkward evening to an end.

“Look, why don’t you get an early night? After all, we’ve got to be up early tomorrow”

It was only a couple of hours drive back to Summer Bay, but with two kids it was a nightmare, and they preferred to get going whilst the kids were still drowsy from sleep.

“Yeah, I should probably get going and give you some peace”

Kane finished of his drink, deciding that the worst he could do was to outstay his welcome when they were waiting to get some sleep.

“No, why don’t you stay for a drink? I’m sure you could tell me some embarrassing tales from Kirst’s past”

“I’m not going to bed just so you can stay up and talk about me”

She wasn’t going to leave them alone for a minute, dreading that her entire past with Kane would come flooding out, the story would get back to her family and things would just get worse. She had asked Sean not to mention Kane’s appearance when they went down to see her family the following day, knowing that it could only dredge up the past and Sean had respected that, particularly given the awkward history with Dani.

“Scared that he’s gonna tell me some dark secret from your past?”

“Of course not”

“Then go and get some sleep? I won’t be long”

She reluctantly got up from her place at the table, managing to bid them both a good night without looking Kane in the eye. She had half a mind to sit up on the landing to listen to what was being said, not sure on whether she could trust Kane not to start saying things that would cause trouble.

[Claire]

Thanks

Yeah, my intention was to make him as likeable as possible... it would have been waaaay too easy if he was a bad guy!

5.

She lay awake, gazing wistfully as Sean’s gentle snoring filled what otherwise would have been total silence. After Kane had departed, Sean had come upstairs to find her still awake, and she had been faced with his questions about exactly how close she and Kane had been, and she had been unable to lie. There had been no reason for her to, as Sean had been cool with it, but admitting Kane was the first guy she had ever loved hadn’t been a walk in the park. She had managed to divert the conversation away from the natural questions on the break up, and he had left for a shower, she declining to join him on the basis of exhaustion. A simple visit to the shops had turned her day into a nightmare.

As she had expected, Sean had sussed there had been something deeper than friendship between them long before he asked her. Kirsty could only guess that she’d looked at Kane in the wrong way, or more likely vice versa. She had spent the whole of dinner trying to avoid his gaze, and she doubted that Sean would have failed to pick up on it.

***

“Tanya, please put your brother down!”

Kirsty shook her head in exasperation as Tanya spun David around the living room, both of them squealing with excitement. She and Sean had both managed to oversleep, and she could only imagine what a nightmare the journey to Summer Bay was going to be with both of the kids in high spirits about going to see their grandparents. They always succeeded in getting spoilt rotten whilst they were there by their numerous relatives, and there were always tears before they returned home.

“Right, are we ready?”

Sean tugged the couple of suitcases into the hallway, and was greeted by Tanya and David screaming “Yes!” at him.

Kirsty watched on, knowing that she too should have been cheery, but she had other things playing on her mind. She had dreamt about Kane the previous night and it scared her to think he was getting inside her head without her even realising it. They had been on the run again, only this time they were older, more confident, more in love? But then it had all happened again. He had decided he wasn’t good enough and abandoned her again. She had woken up in a cold sweat for the first time in years.

“Come on then, first to the car gets to navigate!”

The kids were gone in a flash, and Kirsty watched after them as they shoved one another aside in their quest to reach the car.

“How about you?”

“Hmmm”

“Ready to go?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be”

***

“I want the top bunk!”

David scowled at his sister, who had already dumped her small bag and coat onto the bed, claiming it as her own.

“Hey, David”

Sean knelt down beside his soon the floor, glancing across at Tanya before whispering something into his son’s ear. After a moment, David turned back to his sister with a new announcement.

“Fine, you have the top bunk. I don’t want it anyway”

They had decided to stay at the caravan park, not that they had had much choice. Rhys and Shelley had insisted on having them, putting all of the expenses on the house. It suited them all, as they were all reasonably close.

“What did you say to him”

Kirsty and Sean wandered back over to their own bed at the other end of the caravan, she curious about David’s sudden change in attitude.

“I just told him about the gremlins that live up there”

She laughed, shaking her head at him.

“Idiot“

He chuckled, going back to the unpacking as her face dropped again.

“I’m going to go out”

He looked back at her, slightly puzzled by her change in tone.

“Is everything ok”

“I just need a bit of fresh air, that’s all. I won’t be long”

“It’s Kane, isn’t it?”

She looked at him, slightly taken aback, but was unable to do anything but nod. He knew her far too well to even attempt to lie to him about something like this.

“Yeah, just seeing him again has shaken me up a bit, when we broke up”

She hesitated, trying to figure out how to word it. He decided not to interrupt.

“Well, it hurt and I never thought I’d see him again. It’s all come as a bit of a shock”

Sean nodded as he watched her turn and leave, making her way to the exit of the caravan park.

***

The wind swept her hair back as she made her way across the rocks, instantly being taken back to memories of her childhood. This place always had the ability to do that to her. She supposed that even when she was a grandmother she’d be coming back to this place to find her youth again. A sharp whistle caught her attention, and she glanced around her in confusion.

“Looking for someone?”

She thought she was imagining it at first, but as she glanced up onto the rocks above, she was able to make out the outline of his figure in front of the sun.

[Claire]

6.

“Sean mentioned you were coming up here for the weekend. I knew you’d come here.”

She had decided not to follow her gut reaction and scarper as soon as she saw him, but had reluctantly waited for him to climb down towards her, and now she found herself walking along beside him across the rocks, their rocks as he tried to explain just how he came to be there.

“Kane, you had no right to follow us like that.”

He bit his lip, knowing there was nothing he could say to excuse himself. The tone of her voice was worryingly cold.

“I know? I dunno, maybe I’m going mad, but I just wanted to talk to you – alone”

Sometimes he did seriously think he was losing it. He was following her around and being so possessive when he had no right in the world to do so. He just couldn’t bring himself to leave her alone, and he was so intent on playing out his dream, where they would just fall back into one another’s arms.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“Where’s the harm in talking?”

She paused for a moment in thought, before nodding reluctantly. It was a while until either of them spoke again, she breaking the silence between them as they sat on a rock, out of the view of the beach.

“So how have you been?”

He shrugged, managing to relax himself as she became more accepting of the situation.

“I suppose I can’t complain, completed my Coxswain’s certificate a year or so after I left, held down a job for a few years on top of that”

“So if you’ve got qualifications then why are you back living in the city, shouldn’t you be off sailing around the world or something?”

He shrugged again, looking down to the ground, scuffing one of his shoes against the gritty rock.

“This is going to sound stupid but I got your address from Flynn and I guess I just wanted to see you again, I don’t really know what I was expecting.”

The minute he had said it he ashamed of himself. Ashamed that he was admitting to being so reliant upon her, despite having been so independent in the past. Maybe his father had been right after all. At the end of the day he was pathetic. He had invested too much in a relationship that could so easily, and did, eventually shatter.

“And when you found out I was married, that I had kids, that I was happy, why did you bother sticking around?”

She was intrigued more than anything else.

“Kirst, you’re the only person I’ve ever felt close to, I still care about you. How could I not? I just wanna be a part of your life.”

His voice faded off, paving the way for as awkward silence, he scrambling to change the subject as he realised just how close he was to crossing that line.

“Life seems to be going pretty good for you.”

“Yeah, things were pretty rough after you left but everything worked out in the end.”

“So you finished school?”

She nodded, thankful that the conversation had returned to safe ground.

“Yeah, guess I’ve got you to thank for that.”

She knew that she would never have felt able to do it had he not come into her life. She’d still have been that little girl with such a low opinion of herself, with such low self-esteem and the paranoia that her family hated her. She stood the threat of lapsing back into that rebellious teenager again. His love had saved her. It had given her that feeling of being wanted, being important, sharing a closeness with someone of a kind she had never felt before. He had been her motivation as she had been his, and had it not been for his belief in her she would never have made it through that dark stage of her life.

“And you’re teaching now?”

“No, no, I found out I was pregnant with Tanya and decided to leave it for a bit, then David came along and it went on hold a bit longer.

She had been happy enough to give up the idea of a career for the sake of being a family woman, and she had been gifted with the full support of her entire family in her decision to devote herself to a family life, especially at such a young age.

“But it was your dream.”

If anyone ought to know about following dreams, it had been him. The only reason that he was still there was that constant nagging dream.

“Yeah, well, sometimes other things are more important than following your dreams.”

She hesitated, looking him in the eyes as if to make a point. As it happened, her dream of independence as a strong working woman had been nothing compared to the joy and challenges of motherhood, and she wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

“Anyway, I’m happy looking after Tanya and David. I want to be close to them, rather than turning into one of those working mothers who never gets a moment to spend with her kids. I’ll have plenty of time to work once they’re old enough to take care of themselves and have decided they don’t want their old mother around cramping their style.”

“So you’re expecting them to turn out like their mother in their teenage years, then?”

He bit back his laughter as she made a face at him, faking offence at the remark

“Hey! I wasn’t that bad?”

He raised an eyebrow, looking her in the eyes, as if in an attempt to probe the truth out of her.

“What?!”

She reacted with mock annoyance at his insinuating look

“Nothing.”

He shook his head, laughing gently as they lapsed into silence, he debating his question a while before speaking again.

“What’s it like? I mean, being a parent?”

She didn’t have to think for long to find an answer

“You can’t describe it, it’s incredible.”

He’d have been stupid not to see the way her eyes sparkled as she thought about it, and he purposely looked away, scanning the horizon.

“I’ve always wanted to be a Dad.”

They had never really approached the topic of parenthood before, they having been so young when last they had properly spoken. They had been happy just being in one another’s company back then, and even the thought of they taking their relationship to the next level hadn’t even been mentioned.

“I mean having someone to love ya, unconditionally to share that bond with someone and to prove that I could do it, that I wasn’t going to be like my father. I wanted to break that cycle that violence.”

He wondered if that had just sounded like a ramble, and glanced away from her, wondering if she had noticed the way his cheeks flushed red, anxious about how his sudden revealing of emotion would be taken. She just smiled weakly, her hand hesitantly moving to his own, giving a brief squeeze in way of support.

“Hey, you’ve got heaps of time, just look to the future.”

She lowered her voice almost to a whisper

“Don’t let the past control you.”

She withdrew her hand from his own, giving his leg a quick pat, before clasping her own hands together.

“Kirsty, I don’t think – “

She interrupted him, refusing to allow him time to dwell on the past.

“It might hurt at first but you’ll find someone to spend your life with and you’ll realise you and I were just just a stupid fling.”

She couldn’t believe that she had been able to refer to it as a fling, but if it was the only way he was going to leave them alone then it had to be said. He really was insane if he thought that there was any chance of them turning back the clock and resuming where they left off.

“I’ve got to get back, Sean will be wondering where I am.”

She stood up, brushing the sand off her clothes and climbing hurriedly away across the rocks before he was able to object to her leaving him. Before he was able to tell her that she was the only person who could ever make him truly happy, and that what they had couldn’t possibly be described as a fling. He could feel that connection between them was still there, but his largest fear was the possibility that it was all one-sided.

[Claire]

7.

She sat on the bench, staring wistfully as Sean pushed Tanya on the swing, David tugging on his arm, attempting to pull his father towards the roundabout. Only a few days beforehand she’d have been joining in with their laughter, and it had only been the previous week that she and Sean had gone out for dinner and had found themselves instead sat on the swings with a couple of bags of chips, acting like kids themselves. As much as she refused to admit it, Kane had changed the way she felt about everything, and she knew that Sean couldn’t have failed to pick up on it.

“Are you alright, Kirst?”

She looked back up to find Sean walking towards her, Tanya and David being left to squabble over who got to ride on the roundabout whilst the other pushed.

All she could do was to nod in response.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

“No wonder, you were tossing and turning all night.”

She smiled weakly, knowing that ever since that meeting with Kane out on the rocks, she had been unable to put her thoughts to rest. The couple of days with her family in Summer Bay had been wonderfully tranquil aside from Kane’s visit, and he hadn’t made another appearance. She couldn’t help but feel it was because she made an effort not to go out alone, rather than he finally giving up on her after all that time.

“Look, why don’t you get home? Me and the kids will finish up here and I’ll take them for a pizza or something, give you a bit of peace.”

Kirsty hesitated, glancing down as his hand took hers.

“On one condition?”

“Which is?”

“You bring me back some. You’re not leaving me out.”

He laughed gently as Kirsty began to sound more like herself again and less like the distant woman she had become since Kane had stepped back into her life. He wasn’t sure whether to be worried about Kane’s motives, but he had every confidence in his wife.

“Deal.”

He kissed her lightly as he helped her up from the bench.

“I’ll see you at home.”

She smiled, running her hand tentatively down the side of his face before departing towards the gates, pausing to take a look back at her family as she exited. It was only a five minute walk back to their home, but even then she managed to bump into him.

“Kirsty!”

Kane jogged across the road, narrowly avoiding a collision with a white van shakily reversing towards him, to catch up with her. She couldn’t help but wonder if he had been lying in wait for her, or if it was really one of those coincidences that kept on happening to them.

“Kane, will you please just leave me, leave us alone!”

She tried to ignore him and continue to walk away, but his hand rested on her arm, bringing her to a standstill.

“Kirst, I love you, you know that and I know you feel the same way.”

A split second later and his lips had captured hers, his hand gently brushing back her hair, and for a moment she surrendered, letting passion take over.

[Claire]

8.

She pulled away and attempted to make a move away from him, but his firm hand clutching hold of her arm refused to allow her, and he pressed his lips to hers again

“Kane!”

She raised a hand to the side of his face, forcing him to look her in the eye.

“This is not going to work, it’s wrong”

He shook his head, unable to find worlds to convince her that they could never be wrong, the most wrong thing in the world would be if they parted.

“How can it be?”

“You and I went out for two months. Sean and I are approaching our eighth anniversary, that’s how”

It made their short-lived relationship all the less significant, but if he could feel that connection, that longing for what they once had, then surely she did as well. And he could have sworn that she reciprocated the kiss, even if it was only for a split second. There was something left, and he was sure of it.

“But I love you Kirst, you’re the only person I’ve ever loved”

She couldn’t face to look him in the eye any longer, his forlorn gaze and shaky voice provoking that lump in her throat to stubbornly remain, so much so that she was afraid to answer in case he noticed.

“You said you loved me?”

She tried to cut out his shattered tone, and cleared her throat, determined to be strong, if not for herself then for Sean and the kids and for her entire family.

“That was a long time ago”

“I should never have let you go, I realise that now. We could have been so happy, just you and me in our dream place”

She shook her head, brushing away the memories. After all, she could only remember it at all because he had been her first love, something that she could never forget. It wasn’t like they proved anything else, it wasn’t like they symbolised any feelings for him now.

“You did the right thing Kane, you let me go and I started again, we both did.”

She raised her hand gently to the side of his face.

“I’ve got you to thank for everything, if you hadn’t come into my life I’d have never considered returning to school. Everything worked out for the best in the end, yeah”

He wanted to tell her no that it WOULD have worked out between them, they’d have been happy together, and they still could be all they had to do was believe in their love

“And you’ve got your Coxswain’s certificate things. Have moved on so much? We’ve got our own lives, let’s just leave the past in the past”

He looked down, knowing that without her he didn’t have a life that he could so simply go back to? she had been with him for the past ten years, even if it had been only in his imagination, she had been the driving force behind everything he did, and she was the reason why he was the guy that he was. There was no denying it, she was everything to him.

He raised his own hand to cover hers, hoping that she wouldn’t really be there, and it would all be a nightmare. He had made a terrible mistake in coming to find her if he had just kept her in his dreams then he’d have been fine and his heart would still be in one piece. He would never have been forced to face the fact that he was once more unloved and alone.

She slipped her hand out from beneath his own.

“Bye Kane”

She smiled weakly before dragging herself away, her legs feeling heavier than ever before. She could feel his eyes still fixated on her, she could even feel the way that his heart was falling to pieces with every step she took. She couldn’t bring herself to look back at him, not even for a final time, because just the thought of the pain she was causing him tore her to pieces.

As she disappeared around the corner he stared after her, frozen to the spot, his hand remaining on the side of his face. He didn’t notice his tears until one fell onto his raised hand, and he only made a hasty attempt to wipe them away. All of his dreams for the past ten years had rested on finding her again, and now ten years of dreaming had been shattered.

[Claire]

9.

She smiled weakly at Sean as havoc ensued in the next room, Tanya and David having managed to get themselves into another row over one or other or their computer games, Tanya throwing a strop whilst David rather too maturely told her to grow up and behave herself. Sean left the room, and she could finally allow her face to drop, relieved that she could sink back into her depression. It had been a week since she had last seen Kane, and still she could see his face in front of her eyes, still he was pervading her life. She hated herself for it, for being so weak and for the feelings that she couldn’t control.

She was meant to be going out that evening for her father’s birthday dinner. They were all meeting up at a restaurant in the city, and her parents had booked themselves into a hotel for the night. She wasn’t sure she could face sitting there and trying to be happy, seeing her whole family reunited and more specifically seeing Dani again and having all that old guilt resurfacing.

“Talk to me, Kirst”

He had re-entered the room without her even realising it and had caught her off guard as she stared distantly ahead. She glanced briefly at him, unsure how much she was already giving away just by looking down and upset. Sean knew nothing of her meeting with Kane back in Summer Bay, or of that kiss, and the guilt was gradually eating her away.

“I’m fine”

He shook his head, refusing to believe it as he took a seat next to her. She was a long way from being fine, but yet she had been refusing to open up about it. Bottling things up just wasn’t healthy.

“You haven’t been fine for the last couple of weeks”

“I’ve just been feeling a bit ill”

She hated herself to churning out more lies, for lying to a man that had only ever tried to do right by her. Lying because she had betrayed him, and because her heart was still betraying him.

“I can give the doctor a call, if you like ask him to check you over?”

“No, don’t bother him. I’m sure it’s nothing, probably just a bug that’s going round”

He nodded, a slight smile crossing his face as he recalled Shelley’s light-hearted warning about her bouts of stubbornness, and her insistence that it was a trait inherited from Rhys.

“Well if there’s anything you want just give us a shout”

She scowled, surprising herself as she snapped back at him.

“I just don’t want to be fussed over, alright?! Can you not just leave me alone and give me a bit of peace?”

Silence hit as her mouth snapped shut, instantly regretting the way she had spoken to him. It wasn’t him that had done anything wrong. He wasn’t to blame for any of it. Still she could only muster up a half-hearted apology

“Sorry... I’m just tired”

He squeezed her hand, slightly taken aback by her outburst

“No worries, how about you go for a lie down before we have to go out?”

Why did he have to be so forgiving and calm? Why couldn’t he just shout back at her, and demand to know what was going on? Why was he so trusting and unsuspecting? She would rather just let it all out in an argument, but he had never been the arguing type. She recalled her parents being amused at the positive effects he was having on her, even in the early stages of their relationship. Kirsty forced a smile and left him, making her way up to their bedroom. She knew that she wasn’t going to get any sleep, and even if she did, it would be moments before he managed to find his way into her dreams again and she would wake up, illogically disheartened to find that he wasn’t actually there.

***

“Kirst!”

Dani threw her arms around her younger sister, who was instantly overwhelmed by the expensive perfume, an entire bottle of which Dani seemed to be wearing. They hadn’t seen one another since the reception at Kirsty’s own wedding, where Dani had chosen to announce the good news that she was going to America. Days later, she had departed, and she had always been too busy pursuing her dreams to return to Australia.

“You’ll never guess what happened before I left!”

She didn’t give Kirsty a change to respond before she stretched out her hand to present a large diamond ring

“Gavin proposed!”

Kirsty could only be relieved that her parents own interest in the matter made up for her own distraction, and instead she turned to Jade, who had already had the pleasure of listening to Dani’s story as she had picked her sister up from the airport.

“Some things don’t change. Dani and her guys, how does she manage it?”

Kirsty tried to sound half-enthusiastic in her response, knowing how she and Jade used to joke about the number of men Dani managed to wrap around her little finger.

“I know”

“So where’s Sean? I thought he was coming tonight?”

“Yeah, he’s just parking the car. I thought you were bringing Damien?”

“He couldn’t make it. Max is meant to be bringing Tamara though, so Sean isn’t going to be the odd one out”

A waiter approached them, and Rhys stepped forward, leaving Shelley to listen to the in-depth details of Gavin’s proposal.

“Table for Sutherland”

The short waiter nodded, beckoning them to follow him through the busy restaurant, through to a table near the back.

“I just have to use the bathroom”

Kirsty mumbled, starting back across the restaurant before anyone else could ask her whether she was alright.

***

Kirsty sat on the lid of the toilet, finally allowing a warm tear to crawl down her face, and glanced down at her hand, the two rings on her wedding finger serving as a harsh reminder that she had responsibilities now. She was no longer that carefree, rebellious girl who longed for excitement and passion, but a married woman, who in so many senses had a perfect life. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Sean, but with Kane there was just something different there. He was a drug that she had managed to get out of her system all those years ago, but she had become addicted to once more. She couldn’t keep her mind off him, and the longing to be with him. Sean was everything she had ever dreamt of in a guy but Kane was different.

Tentatively, she removed the rings from her finger, stretching out her hand as it became empty. She felt strangely free without them, freed from the loyalties and responsibilities of family life.

[Claire]

Thanks! Yeah, I had trouble with writing a suitable ending for it due to not wanting to hurt any of the characters too badly...

Sorry about the delay in updating... totally slipped my mind!

10.

Kane glanced at his watch, realising that it was time that he left for work. He was seriously considering handing in his notice and moving back to the coast where he could be sure of a job from his old employer, and there didn’t seem to be anything holding him back anymore. He had given it his best shot with Kirsty, but she had a new life now, and he was determined to accept that and do his best to move on. It was a choice between that or beating his head against a brick wall for the rest of his life, longing for things that he could never have and tearing himself apart. He didn’t want to work out the rest of his life in a grotty back street pub, and there was no reason why he should subject himself to it any longer.

***

“Kirsty?”

She shoved the rings back onto her finger, hastily wiping the tears from her eyes as she heard Jade enter the toilets.

“Yeah, hang on”

She took a moment to compose herself, knowing that Jade would notice that she had been crying the minute she stepped outside. Taking a breath, she pulled the chain on the toilet and walked out of the cubicle.

“Kirst, what’s wrong?”

“I’m just really tired, it’s nothing to worry about”

She hated lying, but there was no way anyone would be rational when Kane’s name came into the equation. There was no way she could spill out her heart to any of her family without being greeted with disgust, and she was filled with the same loneliness that she had had ten years before. The first time she had ever been in love and she couldn’t even share the experience with her twin.

“You may be able to fool everyone else but not me”

Kirsty hesitated, betting that Jade would probably be more understanding if she simply left Kane’s name out of the story. She would go mad with no one to talk to.

“I think I’m in love with someone else”

She watched as Jade’s eyes momentarily widened

“I thought you and Sean were solid?”

“We are? Well, we were?”

“So what happened?”

She guessed Jade wouldn’t understand. She hadn’t changed much in those past ten years, her life having been simple enough to avoid making such decisions. How was she to know what it felt like to love a man that everyone else hated, or what it felt like to have her heart ripped in two, torn between two men?

“This ‘other guy’ he just came into my life and changed everything”

“But you’re not doing anything?”

She shook her head, wishing that she could tell Jade that she wouldn’t even dream of having an affair. But the truth was, she had seriously considered it on more than one occasion.

“It’s driving me crazy. I just can’t stop thinking about him? I love Sean but...“

“Are you thinking of leaving him?”

Kirsty hesitated. She’d never really considered it before, despite the idea of an illicit relationship with Kane crossing her mind. She couldn’t imagine life without Sean and her kids, without that family life that she had become so attached to.

“I couldn’t and anyway, there’s David and Tanya to think about”

“So if it wasn’t for the kids??”

Kirsty shrugged

“Then maybe something would happen”

She glanced down, before shrugging off the thoughts. It wasn’t a case of what she would do if the circumstances were different, but what she was going to do.

“We ought to be getting back”

Kirsty stood, having had enough of trying to explain herself to a woman who wouldn’t be able to fully understand her situation.

“Are you sure you’ll be ok?”

“I’ll be fine just needed to get it off my chest”

She had half a mind to ask Jade not to mention a word to anyone, but she figured it wouldn’t be necessary. They had shared one another’s secrets since childhood and if they couldn’t trust one another, then they couldn’t trust anyone.

***

Kirsty and Jade returned to their table to discover a waiter anxiously attempting to squeeze in two extra chairs around the table, Max’s babysitter having pulled out at the last minute. Rather than either of them staying home, Max and Tamara had opted to bring the kids along, and already they were attracting some disapproving looks from those around them, mainly businessmen and women attempting to have serious conversations at the surrounding tables. The look on her fathers face told her that he wished he had chosen a less upper class restaurant.

***

Kirsty covered up amusement as Rachel and Martin proceeded to flick the complimentary mints across the table at one another, armed with spoons as catapults. Whoever decided to sit them at opposite sides of the table needed their head testing, as it wasn’t impossible to see the similarities to their father at the same age. Mischievous as hell, but she was the only one distracted enough from the adult conversation to pay any attention to their game.

“What do you think, Kirst?”

She looked up, not having a clue as to what question had been directed at her by Max.

“Um yeah”

“You don’t think it’s a bit risky?”

She shook her head, wondering what she could say to make it appear that she had been listening.

“Not really”

She was glad when the answer seemed to satisfy them and the discussion rolled away from her. Her attention drifted back to the childlike games of Rachel and Martin just in time to witness a misdirected mint hurtling up into the air and towards a gentleman passing by their table.

The kids looked on, horrified, as the gentleman tumbled almost comically into the nearby waiter, who in turn deposited himself and the tray of food he was carrying onto the nearest table of customers. Kirsty’s first inclination was to laugh for the first time in ages, but her mouth forced itself to stay serious as all eyes turned to a nervous Martin, who could only stare at his father, hoping for some degree of leniency.

“Oops”