Cal Posted March 15, 2008 Report Share Posted March 15, 2008 Hell yeah! That was so good! Eli, this is giving me memories of last summer when we had Fan-Fic-Fever! It's a nice introduction back in to the world of writing. It was as if the sound of the drawer closing and him collapsing back in to the stack of pillows again filled the entire room and echoed back from the walls. The last few gleams of sunlight were making their way through the thin, flower-patterned curtains; not orange like they should have been at this time of the day, but pale and weak. The sound of a door closing, a car pulling out of the driveway, and he was alone again. Only it felt like he had been alone for weeks now. That's quite freaky in a way. It reminds me of the summers and how I tend to go to bed when it's still light and the windows are wide-open. Nice nice nice! "Well, that's great news, mate!" Tony exclaimed, "Just don't forget your old man when you become rich and famous, yeah?" Geoff pretended to write something again so it wouldn't seem like he was listening, but secretly he didn't even know what book he had opened. He was too busy trying to absorb every word from the conversation, and trying to ignore the voice inside him that told him Tony knew very well he was listening. Oh no, all my summer memories were ripped away from me when I read this part! It made me sad for some reason. But really well written! For the past three weeks he had tried to ask himself how this could be right; how this could be fair, but so far he had failed to find an answer. Oooh. Nice. "What do you want, Aden?" he asked flatly, he wasn't happy or annoyed to see him, he just didn't care, "Tony is not here." "Oh, I'll be back later then, Bible-boy," Aden replied in his usual, mean tone, "You certainly look like you've been hit by a truck, what happened? Did you realize you're just a hypocrite?" "Get lost," Geoff replied coldly, "Maybe you're just bitter because you thought Tony would treat you like a son when Lucas left?" That was my favourite bit of the fic. It's nice to see some evil-Aden! _____ Great One-shot, Eli! Please do post more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xGlowingAngelx Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Firstly; I like how you managed to get motivated from watching Luke & Noah's story. Having been watching it myself, it's made me just want to bang my head against a table and stop watching completely. So well done for that, you have a stronger muse than I do. Secondly; OMG what a beautifully written fanfic. Extremely moving. Bless Geoff! So sad . I love the way Lucas just simply went 'I miss you'. [Actually reminds me of when Noah said that to Luke, but that's veering OT, so I wont go into it. ] Love how the mug got a mention. Still miffed that he broke that. And I love the element of having Lucas' picture in the drawer. They're something so....... forbidden about that. Yes, anyway, gorgeous fanfic. You have such a talent when you're writing, it's an honour to read. Well done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Thanks for the nice comments guys, I'm glad you liked it About the Luke/Noah thing, there's only a selected few scenes that really give me inspiration. A lot of their storyline is pretty boring I think, and I haven't watched all the clips, but there are a few really good ones Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valli Posted March 17, 2008 Report Share Posted March 17, 2008 It was as if the sound of the drawer closing and him collapsing back in to the stack of pillows again filled the entire room and echoed back from the walls. The last few gleams of sunlight were making their way through the thin, flower-patterned curtains; not orange like they should have been at this time of the day, but pale and weak. The sound of a door closing, a car pulling out of the driveway, and he was alone again. Only it felt like he had been alone for weeks now. Oh, I could almost picture this part in my head. Poor little Geoff For the past three weeks he had tried to ask himself how this could be right; how this could be fair, but so far he had failed to find an answer. “I love you, and what we had was great,” Lucas had said right before they had said goodbye to each other and ended the conversation, “But it’s time to move on.” For weeks he had tried to figure out how the hell there could be any justice in this, for either of them. Lucas had said he loved him, and Geoff sure loved him, Lucas had to know that. So how could he just give up like that, without even giving the two of them a chance? How could he just give him a mug as a goodbye-present and disappear out of Geoff’s life after all they had been through? Great part! It's so sad and moving. Two forbidden lovers who can't be together There was no moving on yet, Geoff wasn’t even done grieving. Naw, poor Geoff. What a powerful sentence “What do you want, Aden?” he asked flatly, he wasn’t happy or annoyed to see him, he just didn’t care, “Tony is not here.” “Oh, I’ll be back later then, Bible-boy,” Aden replied in his usual, mean tone, “You certainly look like you’ve been hit by a truck, what happened? Did you realize you’re just a hypocrite?” “Get lost,” Geoff replied coldly, “Maybe you’re just bitter because you thought Tony would treat you like a son when Lucas left?” Oh, my favourite part of the oneshot. Bad boy Aden vs good boy Geoff It was as if the sound of the drawer closing, hiding the picture of Lucas Holden in it, filled the entire room and echoed back from the walls as the last gleams of pale sunlight faded away and chased away the summer; making room for whatever season it was that would come tomorrow morning. What a perfect and sad ending. I really like the way you describe things, Eli! It's like I can see it in my head --------- A very powerful and moving fan fic. I love your way of writing emotions in fan fics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted March 17, 2008 Report Share Posted March 17, 2008 It was as if the sound of the drawer closing and him collapsing back in to the stack of pillows again filled the entire room and echoed back from the walls. The last few gleams of sunlight were making their way through the thin, flower-patterned curtains; not orange like they should have been at this time of the day, but pale and weak. The sound of a door closing, a car pulling out of the driveway, and he was alone again. Only it felt like he had been alone for weeks now. I really LOVED that beginning, Eli. Great description. “Geoff, it’s Lucas,” he said, and Geoff got the feeling he was trying very hard to pretend he didn’t know something more had been going on between Geoff and his youngest son before Lucas had left for uni, “He wants to talk to you.” I really like the way you’ve conveyed he knows his Dad knows and his Dad knowing he knows while they pretend not to know!!! I reckon that would probably happen with a lot with parents in this situation. “I don’t need him,” said Aden, just as coldly, “But speaking of Lucas; that’s why you’re all teary-eyed, isn’t it? Do you miss your boyfriend?” “Yeah,” Geoff almost whispered, not taking his eyes off Aden for a second, “So what if I do?” Aden stared at him, and for the first time it didn’t look like he knew what to say or do. The truth had been a more powerful weapon than any verbal attack. The pale light of the afternoon found its way through the frosted glass in the door as well, and the dark shade blocking the pale light revealed Aden standing there, paralyzed for a few seconds before he walked away. Nice touch, the way Geoff admits to his feelings instead of denying the relationship as Aiden expects him to. It was as if the sound of the drawer closing, hiding the picture of Lucas Holden in it, filled the entire room and echoed back from the walls as the last gleams of pale sunlight faded away and chased away the summer; making room for whatever season it was that would come tomorrow morning. Great descriptive ending too! If I have a criticism of this story it’s just that not a great deal happens. But as a one-shot it’s fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted March 18, 2008 Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 Thanks for the reviews and nice comments, valli and ILM I agree that not a lot happens, I was aware of it when I started writing this as well, because in one way this oneshot it just to fill in some blanks between my previous fics my upcoming oneshots about these characters, because I'm planning more independent sequels Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miranda Posted March 18, 2008 Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 I agree that not a lot happens That describes my favourite type of story, I prefer emotional stories to car chases, murders and stalkers etc [yawn]. Glad to see that you are still thinking about these characters Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted March 18, 2008 Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 I agree that not a lot happens That describes my favourite type of story, I prefer emotional stories to car chases, murders and stalkers etc [yawn]. Glad to see that you are still thinking about these characters I can’t stand car chases, murders and stalker type storylines either, I hate stories that have to rely on shock value to try and entertain. When I wrote “not a great deal happens” I was commenting on the fact that a story should have a beginning, a middle and an end. I like Eli’s writing and as a snapshot of the lives of Geoff and Lucas it works well enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 Thanks No need to worry, Miranda, I haven't forgotten about them, and I don't intend to for a long time either Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmasi Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 *Steps away from the shock value...* The mug... my heart broke all over again thinking about that little piece of crockery That was a nice fic... Darn Luc, thinking he has to be all mature and proper about not starting anything that's just going to have to end again. It's called unbridled passion, boy! Look it up!! I liked how Geoff was trying to act all casual in front of Tony... poor thing . And the seasons you describe sound precisely like Australian whether, lol. I think you were trying to use it as a dramatic metaphor (which it worked wonderfully as, by the way) but it really is a very accurate meteorological depiction I didn't really understand Geoff thinking that Aden would want Tony to be like his father, but then it's been a while since that storyline and my memory is mush... I always thought of Geoff as the little usurper to Lucas. If this is indeed a part of a series, I have a feeling what the next one might be about. (*CoughAdenandLucinabitchfightoverGeoffcough!*) And I look forward to it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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