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Where I Stood


Guest kaciexox

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Title: Where I Stood

Main Characters: Jack Martha Sam

Type: One Shot

Genre: Romance

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Summary: After Jack and Martha break up Jack and Sam get together. Then Jack and Martha have an affair and Jack decides to leave Sam for Martha. But Martha is confused and feels really guilty. She realises how dependent she is on Jack and is not sure if thats a good thing. Will she decide to let Jack be happy with Sam or let him break up with her when she may even not satisfy him because of her feelings of confusion. What will she decide to do?

So i was really bored today and decided to write a oneshot. Tell me what you think :D

Where I Stood

Martha Mackenzie lay stomach-down on her bed, her face buried in her pillow. She was crying. She hardly ever cried anymore. Not since the boating accident. She didn't cry when Sam had returned to Jack's life, she hadn't cried when Jack had told he no longer loved her. And hell – she didn't even cry when Jack and Sam had become engaged.

And yet here she was, crying.

Crying over something she should have smiling about. Something she had been waiting for, for weeks, months. A kiss. A kiss that wasn't supposed to happen.

It had started off, normally. Martha had woken up, eaten breakfast then gotten dressed. Just like every morning, she had walked over to her full length mirror that stood at the end of her bed and gazed herself. Ever since her fling with Cam ended, Martha had looked the same.

Tired, and gaunt and much older than her years. She had sighed, pulling her hair back into a tight bun then she went into the bathroom and splashed water on her face.

Then suddenly everything happened so quickly. The doorbell sounded and when Martha answered it she was surprised to see Jack standing there. One minute they were talking awkwardly and the next he had her body pinned against the wall, kissing her passionately.

But it wasn't as though he had forced her into it. Oh no. She had wanted, needed it. She had enjoyed, she didn't want it to stop. But after a few seconds she realized what she was doing and pushed him away.

He had apologised profusely, but Martha could see the look of lust in his eyes. And it scared her. A million questions were running through her head but she didn't have the guts to ask any of them or really say anything at all. She had just fixed her hair and quietly but quickly walked over to the door and opened it for Jack to leave.

And he had left without another word spoken, without an explanation of any kind. And just as quickly as it had started, it was over.

As soon as he had left, Martha leant her head against the door and cried. And she hadn't stopped since. It was complicated, she kept telling herself, it was a mistake, he didn't want it to happen. But if it was a mistake, why had it felt so real? And if it was real, how could it be so wrong?

And it had happened again, and again. It usually started with Jack appearing at her door and it usually ended in Martha's bed. They hardly ever talked about what they were doing, but when they did Jack insisted that he was going to leave Sam. It was like Ash all over again. Except she believed Jack.

****

It had been 2 weeks. Two long hard weeks since that first kiss. And now Martha was going to face Jack for the first time at his house since that day. For the last two weeks he had been coming to her home; but now Martha was at his home; preparing to face Sam if she was there as well as Jack.

She didn't know what she would do if Sam was there. Probably run out of the house. She was standing out side his house that he shared with Sam. The house that Martha and Jack used to live in together, when they were married. Martha had been so angry when she found out that they were moving there.

She felt as if Jack was trying to erase what they had had. She had been so sure that that was what he was trying to do but after the first kiss, she didn't know anymore. Martha took a deep breath and knocked twice on the door.

After a second, the door opened. That second, seemed to go on for hours for Martha. But the door did open and Jack appeared; no shirt on and wet hair. He must have just had a shower. Eyes up, Martha reminded herself.

"Um, can I come in?" she asked nervously.

Jack nodded and opened the door for her. He was just closing the door when Martha spoke.

"I can't do this anymore," Martha blurted out.

"What?"

"I can't do this anymore," Martha repeated.

"Why? I'm going to tell Sam about us tonight I…"

"There is no us, at least not anymore," Martha said.

"What do you mean. I want to be with you."

"Don't try and talk me out of this Jack," Martha said brushing away his hand on her arm, "I've been thinking about this for awhile now. I've realised how dependent I am you and that's not a good thing. I don't know what I would do without you in my life and it's about time I found out."

"I don't understand…"

"Every time there's a problem, I run to you. I've realised I don't even know who I am. And I don't think you can be with anyone until you know that. I can't have a relationship at the moment. I can't truly love someone until I can love myself," Martha put her hand on Jack's arm, "Don't tell Sam anything. You love her and I know she loves you. She will be able to love you more than I can. I'm sorry."

With that Martha ran out of the house. She kept telling herself that she had done the right thing but the truth was she didn't really know. She was scared to face the world without Jack but it was something she needed to do. For herself. On her own. And Jack would be happy with Sam. Sam.

That girl who stood where Martha once did.

"Where I Stood"

I don't know what I've done

Or if I like what I've begun

But something told me to run

And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head

LIttle voices whispering

That I should go and this should end

Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white

That it was wrong or it was right

But you ain't leaving without a fight

And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call

You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all

But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you

This is what I have to do

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

Where I stood by Missy Higgins

I also made a video that goes with this fic

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