Truth Hurts

[Jamey-Maria]

Type of story: One Shot

Main Characters: Martha fic with Tasha and Belle.

BTTB rating: A: Adult content or themes. Recommended 15+

Does story include spoilers: No

Is story being proof read: Yes

Any warnings: Language

summary: Martha's real thoughts about Ash, and her behaviour.

I'm posting another oneshot Some people can be very convincing. Like Jade Anyway ignore the Pride and Prejudice refernces if you've never seen the movie, lol. Um yea and it is a oneshot. And I had like four proof readers (very insecure person I am lol), so thankyou to all of them Oh yea and this might need a warning. Nothing that bad but just incase.

Truth Hurts

"Well I should know. I've fallen for enough jerks," Belle rolled her eyes, from where she was sitting on the floor, leaning up against the front of the couch.

"Oh come on." Tasha piped up while walking back into the living room with popcorn. "They're not all bad."

"No. They're all jerks," Belle snapped defiantly "And I'm better off without them."

"If you say so." Tasha giggled putting down the bowl and inserting the DVD on. "What about you Martha? Are you taking on this whole 'men are the anti-Christ' thing too?" She mocked. Martha stayed silent. She was lying on the couch holding a pillow to her chest tightly and staring blankly up at a ceiling.

"Martha?" Tasha repeated, unsure of whether her friend had heard her, or even been listening.

"She's probably too busy dreaming about lover boy Ash," Belle laughed, reaching for a hand full of popcorn out of the bowl that Tasha had just put down.

"That'd be right," Tasha joined, sitting down next to Belle and pressing the play button.

***

Belle and Tasha sat glued to the screen from their positions on the floor, hanging off Mr Darcy's every word. Martha wasn't listening or paying the slightest bit of attention. She couldn't have cared less about the damn stupid movie she'd seen a hundred times over or perfect Elizabeth Bennet who ended up with the fairytale ending. Her mind was blank. No images just blank and words running through it with a black background helping them stand out. Back and forth. Bouncing off one side and rebounding onto the other, they just kept swirling around.

'Kids. Two kids.'

They were adorable, beautiful children. One boy and one girl; Declan and Jess. They looked like their mother too; because kids weren't the only secret he was keeping. He was married. 'MARRIED!' She was screaming in her head. She'd been screaming it for last 7 hours, since she saw them. Not that it sounded any different everytime she said it but it hurt just that little more; punishment. No one knew that she knew. No one knew what he really was. The bitter reality sank in and was beginning to eat away at her soul. She was a toy, nothing more than a bit of fun he liked to play with when he got bored of playing happy families. Whatever he wanted she did. No questions no hassle, she trusted him completely like only an idiot would. It all made sense now, the time away, the phone calls, suspicions her Aunty had. It all added up nicely to equal a lying rat that had used her for all she was worth; sex. Played her for the stupid, gullible fool she was. It was almost laughable; that she thought someone could care about her. Worthless country trash like herself was actually worthy of being cared for, or dare she say, loved. Who on earth would want to be with the town whore? The cheap, easy slag that could be bought with a drink, like a two-dollar hooker. She used to ride horses when she was younger, looked like she still had a thing for riding now, only this time it was men.

So caught up in his lies and the stories he fed her she so easily disregarded what was in front of her the whole time; the underlying truth. She wasn't worth it. An awful person like her didn't deserve love, so she would never get it. She felt so dirty when she found out, a feeling she wasn't able to shake. No matter how much she scrubbed and scrubbed in the shower the feeling wouldn't scrape off. It clung to her, sucking at her skin and taking hold of her head. 'You have no one else but yourself you slut.' 'Did you really think anyone would want to be someone who's spread their legs as many times as you have?’ Cruel, taunting comments that kept circling in her head. A flood of tears burst out in her mind, crying on the inside. She couldn't cry externally, she wouldn't let herself. It would be pointless anyway because no one would hold her, or tell her everything would be alright. No one would care. It was easier this way, better for her if no one knew. By locking it up no one could know her heart, and she would never get it broken like this again. What was left of it anyway.

Her thoughts resided back to a happier time, a time when she didn't feel like the dog discrete that people wiped off their shoe, not wanting to wait another second to get the disgusting thing off. Back to when she felt like a person and not an object. Back to Jack. He would have never done this to her. He would have never treated her like this. Even though she deserved it and so much more he never would have hurt her like this. The one man that truly loved her, unconditionally and forever, even though she deserved nothing more than his deepest and sincerest hatred. The one man she could always turn to no matter what happened had moved on. Why? Because she'd slammed the door in his face repeatedly and made him. Pushed him away at every turn and made it clear as many times as she could that there was no chance.

He put up with her, and he never once made her feel bad about herself. Not once. It was best now that he'd moved on, and was happy with someone else. He deserved so much more than her, SO much more. She couldn't make him happy the way someone else could. She couldn't be the type of partner he could be proud of and glad to be seen with. She couldn't do anything. She was useless on all accounts and she knew it. Not even alcohol was going to numb the pain that came with this realization, but it sure as hell wouldn't stop her from trying. She may not have been ugly on the exterior but she felt it on the inside. The place where it really mattered the most, where it could eat her alive and no one would know as long as she kept up the facade and plastered on that nice bright smile of hers. Looking at her reflection would be too much to bear. She would have such a complete loathing and self hatred, for the vulgar person staring back; herself.

She turned her head slightly to watch the world of superficial, the beautiful people who wouldn't have a clue how she was feeling, if only for a second to be drawn out of her own pain and into their wonderful world of happiness, she looked at the TV. A kiss. He claimed her lips and her heart with a kiss.

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWW," Tasha squealed. "How cute was that?"

"Haven’t you seen this movie like a thousand times? You knew it was going to happen," Belle laughed at her.

"Don't act like you weren't as eager for that ending as I was."

"I don't have to act Tasha I wasn't."

"Yea right, I saw your face when she rejected his proposal."

"If you say so." Belle brushed her off smiling.

"Well hopefully it showed you that not all guys are total asses."

"Mmmm." Belle nodded unconvinced.

"Well at the very least it would have showed you to stay away from certain types of men. Like one Mr. Collins," She giggled at which point Belle burst out laughing.

"Cops," Martha spat out bluntly from nowhere. Her voice was soft but just loud enough for Tasha and Belle to hear her.

"What?" Belle asked confused, turning around to face her along with Tasha.

"Cops," She repeated. "Cops are the ones you stay away from," Finally making eye contact with both girls. Martha shifted her weight and sat up right.

"Don't ever date a cop." Her tone was matter-of-fact and very blunt. "You never know what you might get." She was beginning to smile now despite herself. But it wasn't a genuine smile; it was sarcastic and bitter, almost something sinister about it. Belle and Tasha looked at each other completely stunned, it was so unexpected and they had no idea where it was going.

"You never know your luck," Martha started up. "You might get a psychopath that's poisoning a resident and plans on killing people for being on the jury that convicted his father. Maybe he'll even convince you to leave town with him even though you've only known him a few weeks and on the way there try to strangle you." Her voice was getting louder. Tasha's face dropped, she knew whom Martha was talking about but she had no idea where it was coming from.

"You know you may even be lucky enough, or stupid," She quickly corrected herself "To go there again with another dead beat. Convince yourself that he cares for you. That for some unbeknownst reason he wants to be with you, for you. Then you can feel the blissful joy of discovering that he has a wife and kids and he wants nothing more from you that a roll between the sheets before he goes back to his family most nights. Leaving you alone by yourself like the slut that you are." Martha's eyes squared with Belle's as her jaw dropped Her breath caught in her throat and she looked at Martha with all the sadness her face gave way to. It was awful to hear her talk that way about herself. Especially when it wasn't true.

"Martha," Tasha called sympathetically moving closer to her friend. She could literally feel her heart breaking for her; she didn't want her to feel like this. For a moment Martha thought she would cry, let herself grieve in the company of her friends, but she didn't. Because like everyone else they didn't care. Why would they care about her? Her guard went back up as quickly as it came down. She was never going to let anyone in again. She rushed up to her feet and abruptly pushed past Tasha's open arms pushing her way through to the bathroom and slamming the door shut.

With her knees pushed up against her chest and her arms snaked around them she buried her head in the remaining space left on the surface her knees provided. Her back was against the cold tiles of the wall and the sensation sent the rest of her body into a numb spin. She let herself become engulfed in a paralysis, not being able to move because she physically couldn't or wanted to. Clenching her fists closed tightly she repeated the motion with her eyes. Blocking out any light. She didn't want to feel anymore, she didn't want to be there anymore. Breathing. Fear of opening them was fear of the world. Coming back to reality and exposing people to seeing the ugly person she really was. Becoming vulnerable again and open to for them to use her and abuse her. Choking on the shortness of breath she tried to finish off what she had been saying to Belle and Tasha. Whispering quietly to herself. "Always stay away from cops because... you might just fall for one." Her whispers turned into slight noises that her ears could barely hear. "You might just fall in love with him and screw it up forever."

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