Lady Stardust Posted August 26, 2006 Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 This is my first attempt at a fan fiction! I'm not sure how all you guys write such great stories... It's hard! What makes mine harder still is that it's a mystery. Therefore I have to try and be clever in my wording. Please bear with me as this is my first fan fic - I've no idea if it's the right style or if I'm getting the reaction I hope for...so please give me your feedback! I will try and update you all with more chapters as soon as I can! Dan's Demise Chapter 1 (Voiceover) “It was too easy. Far too easy.” (At hospital) Dan’s hand shook as he failed to reach for his gas mask. His lips trembled, the fear and shame at not being able to utter the words “I didn’t” were almost too overpowering. He felt faint. Leah thought he had tried to kill himself… Had he? No, no, it’s not possible. Had he drunk alcohol? He remembered drinking, yet felt so innocent. He remembered a gas station attendant with sandy coloured hair. He remembered the sandy coloured dust as he was hauled from his car by a sandy-haired paramedic. He remembered opening the bottle. Had he? Peter Baker had his suspicions. His brother had been drinking the night before VJ was in his care. He didn’t believe his brother could steer clear of alcohol through guilt, because it was exactly that kind of guilt that drove people to despair, that drove people into trees. Alone at the scene of the accident, he carefully picked up the plastic bottle laid just in view under the crushed car. Coke… innocent enough. Yet it was this innocence that lead VJ to a near death experience. He felt relieved, yet confused even more. He wanted to believe that Dan hadn’t done it. He wanted to have faith in him. Surely Dan wouldn’t really run head on into a tree? (Sinister voiceover) “Of course he would. He’s got no spine. He deserves it. I thought he could be decent. Time after time he hurt Leah. Time after time I stood by and watched. Time after time I willed myself not to utter a word. I held my breath. For far too long. I let Leah down. VJ nearly died. What was I thinking?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cal Posted August 26, 2006 Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 Oh!! Brilliant start. I love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xsianx Posted August 26, 2006 Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 Great start. Looking forward to see what happens next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swfc Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 This is really great! Had me hooked..... Please update soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah_Lewis Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 Awesome =o) I love it update sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Stardust Posted August 28, 2006 Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 Thanks for the encouraging comments! I'm pleased you like it! Here is chapter 2! Chapter 2 Peter smirked. He looked almost pleased. “Found something good for the case?” Peter jumped, slipping the bottle into his satchel. “Erm, no, nothing. Just surveying the scene one last time. These track marks are pretty damn conclusive. I can’t possibly stretch to warrant a different explanation.” He scratched his head, anxiously. “I hate to say it, but he must have done it purposefully… Say, what are you doing here, anyway?” he said, playfully giving Jack a gentle shove in the side. “I thought you had a little something romantic planned for Martha?” “I did”, he replied. “Alas, women are not known for staying in one place at a time. I got home and found a note saying she’d gone shopping with Cassie. There goes my plans for the afternoon! But I dare say she’s having a great time anyway!” “Tough love, Jack. You need to get her a leash”. Peter winked. “C’mon, I’ll get you a drink at the surf club. My shout.” Dan winced as Leah placed his pillow from home behind his head. Every move hurt like hell, but he wasn’t going to let Leah know that. She’d done enough for him already. Why she wanted to look after him now was beyond any reasoning. He felt so guilty at being given another chance. He didn’t deserve it. After what happened to VJ, he would have gladly died as punishment. Ever since, he’d lost all sense of pride and responsibility. All he felt was shame. (Voiceover) “Ever since we parted, I’ve always kept a close eye on Leah. There’s nothing wrong with that, surely? After all, I know she had the strongest feelings for me. Every day I hope and pray that somewhere in her heart those feelings are still just as strong. If only she would find me one day and tell me she loved me, that she’d always loved me and that I was the one and only, I’d be the happiest man on earth. But it isn’t that simple. There are problems that come along and try and take a bit of her heart, only to drop it after a while and then proceed to step on it. Well, I tried to keep a low profile. But the problems keep coming. It was about time someone stepped on them.” At home, Leah felt a shiver run down her spine. The wedding photograph of her and Dan was smashed to smithereens on the floor of the dining area. Although she had turned it face down after her fallout with Dan, she hadn’t intended to ever break it. She was sure she had left it securely on the side, and there was no way that the wind could have come through the back door and reach the unit on which it was placed. She heard a rustling noise out the back. Cautiously, she headed towards the back door, staring intently through the kitchen window in a bid to see through the bushes on the other side. All of a sudden, she heard a crash. Her heart racing, she dropped the picture frame a second time, sending it crashing off one of the chairs, breaking it in two. “Aww dammit! That was expensive! Now what’ll I do for my meal? He’s due over in 20 minutes! I haven’t got time to go back to the Creek.” Leah breathed a sigh of relief as she watched Rachel fumble around outside trying to pick up the remains of her shopping, carefully stepping amongst the glass shards. “Oh hey, Leah. I’m so sorry. I’ll clear it up in just a second. Leah?” She stepped through the back door, giving a sympathetic look towards her shivering friend. “Are you O.K? You look as though you’ve seen a ghost”. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swfc Posted August 28, 2006 Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 Another awesome chapter! Loving it heaps!!! Somehow, when I read this, I think about Vinnie.... No idea why..... Please update soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Stardust Posted August 28, 2006 Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 Hehe, we mustn't forget, though, Leah has had more than her fair share of men in the past... which is what makes this story so fun to write! So much scope...the story could lead in all sorts of directions! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Stardust Posted August 28, 2006 Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 Chapter 3 “ I swear I wasn’t drinking, Leah. You’ve got to believe me”. Leah gave a weak smile, the image of Dan’s health check notes flashing across her mind with the words traces of alcohol written on them in evidence. She knew he felt guilty and she felt the sensation too, because if it wasn’t for her he might not have tried to take his life. She felt safe at the hospital after the incident at home. It was probably nothing, but the fact that her wedding photo was wrecked made her feel scared, like it was a sign that her marriage was well and truly over. Being at the hospital with Dan helped keep her mind off the negatives and focused on the positives. She had to keep strong. She’d already lost Vinnie and Jesse, not to mention the disastrous episodes with Flynn, Peter and Rachel’s friend. This time she had to make things right. She couldn’t bear any more heartbreak. VJ wandered through the back door in search of his bouncy ball. He was sure it had just rolled out of the door, in a bid to escape and make him chase it like a cat after a mouse. He liked pretending he was a cat. “Miaoooow” he squealed. The ball bounced just ahead of him, jumping faster and faster yet lower and lower as it started to come to a halt. All of a sudden it stopped. VJ lifted his head, amazed at how the mouse had managed to stop so quickly. “Squeak squeak” said the man, the ball trapped beneath his hand. VJ replied “Miaaaow miaooow”. Passing VJ the ball, the man put his lips up against his mouth, just like mummy did when he was noisy in front of the telly. Usually she said “Hush now VJ” at the same time. The man didn’t say anything. “VJ, where have you gone? Are you hiding under the plastic table again?” Rachel popped her head around the back door. “There you are! You know you’re not allowed to go outside without telling Auntie Rachey first.” VJ gave her a cheeky grin, then turned around, pointing towards… but he was gone. Bemused, Rachel put on a silly voice. “What are you pointing to, there’s nothing there, silly! C’mon, if you’re a good boy and come inside to wash your hands I’ll get you some hot chocolate.” VJ followed, wondering how he too could magically disappear. Oh the tricks he could play on mummy and Rachey if he could! *********************************************************************** Please let me know what you think and if it's worth continuing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilone Posted August 28, 2006 Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 really good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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